i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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