the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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