I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
