I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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