Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
