don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he puts the penis in happiness.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
