so let's talk penis.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
