Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
