a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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