Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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