All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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