There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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