i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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