I need help removing her.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
