I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Verdict: uncircumcised.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
