Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
