I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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