My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
