Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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