i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
