There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
