dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
