It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
