you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
