I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
