Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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