I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
