barbara walters just said penis...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
