Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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