Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
