You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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