What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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