I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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