I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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