talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
