Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
