I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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