I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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