you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
