Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
