My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
