Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So vagazzling was a success
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
