there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
