I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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