dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
