I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
cat food counts as protein by the way
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
