I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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