nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
