My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
