yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
