at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
