What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
