I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
