So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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