are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
