Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
3pm strippers are depressing
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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