I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
